Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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