maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize