Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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