PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
