i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i've created a new STD.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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