After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
