just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
