I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
