My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize