How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
