toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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