I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
