I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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