I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
