I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
