Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We had to coat check the pizza.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
