Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
