im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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