ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
