Im at strip club and am horny
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
