Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
do herpes really smell.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
