We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
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Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So. Much. Porn.
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