its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
