i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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