I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
