Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
