i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
