yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
