We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
