dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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