I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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