so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
