I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
