so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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