Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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