I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
