I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
