Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
