i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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