How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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