Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
