Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
