you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
