how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
