Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize