No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
