you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
