How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
