Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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