and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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