Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
