I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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