That's when you crack a 10am beer
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
