New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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