You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
