I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
