I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
