I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
