If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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