Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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