so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
