We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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