He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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