I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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