Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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