I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
