Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
