Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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