just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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