We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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