I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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