My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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