i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
