Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
